so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
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