Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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