she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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