Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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