so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Randomize
