I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
