she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Randomize
