I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Randomize
