; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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