this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
