do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
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