you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
we're so committed to being not committed
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
Randomize
