All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
It's never too late to be topless.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Randomize
