but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Never joke about your clitoris.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize