her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
