thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
We are two peas in an std pod
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Randomize
