wakey wakey hands off snakey
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Randomize
