I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Randomize
