Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
