the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
