You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize
