a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Randomize