did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Randomize