Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Randomize
