Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
Randomize
