i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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