my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize