He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Randomize
