i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize
