My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
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