She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
