I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Randomize
