I'm eating all of the evidence.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
