Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Randomize
