Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
