I'm drive I can fine osifer
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Randomize
