You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
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