It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
