There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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