So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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