They should really pass out barf bags in church
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
