i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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