I swear she didn't look like that last week.
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Randomize
