like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
