i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize