She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Randomize
