Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
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