I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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