I just saw a hot homeless man
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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