I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
