i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
Randomize