My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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