I think I just saw someone hide a body.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Randomize
