Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
