Kareoke will never be a sober sport
he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Randomize
