We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
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