He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
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