Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Randomize
