I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
