so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
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