Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
She even gives head with a lisp.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Randomize
