i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
