Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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