You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Randomize
