I feel great
I just peed on a car
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Randomize
